Note: This article has been submitted to the Clearwater Progress in Kamiah, Idaho and although it is fictionalized satire, it is 90% historically correct:
Mr. Bernie Burns was in trouble and he knew it. The fire was downhill a half mile away, coming fast, and the power just went out. Suddenly a 2015 Dodge 4500 4×4 Crew Cab “Brush Truck” with a 400 gallon tank, Waterous 400 PSI pump, and all lights flashing, drove into his yard. The devoted driver jumped out, opened the backdoor and out stepped the Commander of the Clearwater Fire Complex. As this Federali gesticulated he reassured his audience, “Bless you, my children, you have nothing to fear. Everything is under control. We of the Supreme Law have learned to manage fire, and as you can see we have managed to keep your home from burning for100 years. However, we must leave you for the winds are now 10 miles per hour and we have more managing to do.” Had not Bernie been stepping rapidly to extinguish the sparks from the swaying incense burner he would have heard, as they drove out of sight, “Remember, all is well, and all will be well.”
Hardly had the high and the mighty exited his driveway than a 2009 Ford F550 “Quick Attack” Idaho DNR fire truck drove up. Out stepped the chief who quickly saw that the fire was now only ¼ mile away and exclaimed, “Your wood pile is next to your house, your yard is covered with junipers, and the pine trees are too close. There is nothing we can do to save your house. Besides, the winds are now 20 mph and there are others who need our help more.” Down the road they went like a pelican taking flight…
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